The Chinese food arrives, and I pay the dilevery boy what I owe, plus the tip. I pack the box of food upstairs to my room, and sit down on the floor. First, as I have since childhood, I break open one of the two fortune cookies. As if it were routine, I eat the first half as I always do, and then proceed to unravel the small paper. It reads "You will overcome many hardships", the same fortune I've gotten many times before. I wonder to myself, though, how long these hardships will continue.
It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how close I am to leveling out my life or how close I am to breaking zero and start making profit, something always knocks me down before I can get there. For once, this time, it was not financial. It was something I haven't felt in a long time, in my constant attempt to evade it. But as I knew it would, it caught up with me, and once again, I'm hurt and keep my emotion bottled up.
I'm sick of talked about behind my back. I show people the up most loyalty, but never seem to get it in return. No, I'm not always kind, but I consider myself a fun person to be around. I like to joke around a lot, and I'm up for almost anything. But I guess sometimes people can't put little things aside, and they start thinking about only themselves, again.

I don't like tapping into what little emotional pool I have, so this is a foreign thing for me. So you know what, fuck it. From now on, if you have a problem, come to me about it. Don't send your little messenger. Be a damn man. It's not like I can't handle straight up confrontation, and you'd better not be pussy enough to be afraid to talk to me. I mean, are you forgetting who you're talking to?




I don't want to hit the point where I can't trust anyone, anymore. I've seen people reach that place and it doesn't make me happy. I like to have one person I can trust, and right now, I feel like my sister is the only persom I can.